The best sex toys for beginners are small, simple and easy to clean. Usually that's an external vibrator (a bullet, mini wand or suction toy) in 100% silicone or hard plastic, with a few speeds to explore.[1][2] Pair it with water-based lube.[1]
For penetration, start smaller than you think.[3] For anal, use only toys with a flared base.[1]
What makes a sex toy good for beginners?
A good beginner toy is small and simple. Beyond that, check for adjustable settings and a non-porous material, which makes it easy to clean.[1][2] Many are external for a reason: in a 2015 US survey of 1,055 women aged 18 to 94, 36.6% said clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse, and another 36% said it made orgasms feel better.[4] Only 18.4% said intercourse alone was enough for orgasm.[4]
You probably don't need the strongest toy: a Mayo Clinic-led review says most vibrators you can buy are likely strong enough for premenopausal users.[2] Some women whose sexual function has been affected by aging or a health condition may need more intense vibration.[2] If sensation has changed for you, talk to a doctor.
Using toys is normal, and so is not using them.[1] In a nationally representative survey of 2,056 US women aged 18 to 60, 52.5% had used a vibrator.[5] So had 44.8% of 1,047 US men the same age, surveyed in 2008.[6] And vibrators aren't just for vulvas.[1]
How do you choose your first sex toy? Answer 6 questions
Start with where you want to feel it (outside, inside or both), then let anal play, pain, strength, a partner and privacy narrow the choice. These six questions are adapted from a Mayo Clinic-led team's advice on choosing a vibrator.[2] Most answers land on a row in our table.
- Outside, inside or both? Outside: a bullet, mini wand or suction toy, like the Rose or Passion Bullet. Inside: a slim, smooth vibrator like the Tulip, which its page calls "sleek and slender."[7] Size and shape matter once a toy goes in.[2] Both: a rabbit-style dual vibrator. Wired bullets and toys with exposed battery compartments stay outside.[2]
- Is it for anal play? Then it needs a flared base so it can't slip all the way in.[2][1] That's the Ass-Sation row.
- Does penetration ever hurt? Go average-sized or smaller, smooth along the shaft, or stay external.[2] Frequent or severe pain? See an ob-gyn or other clinician.[8]
- How strong does it need to be? The best vibrator for beginners is adjustable rather than powerful, since what feels good varies from person to person.[9] For first-timers, the same team suggests maximum flexibility, like variable speeds.[2] In our table, the closest are the Rose, with ten settings, and the bullet and Tulip, both listed as multi-speed.[10]
- Solo or with a partner? If it's shared, choose it together.[2] Surprises are for birthdays, not sex toys. A bullet works on any body; that's the Passion Bullet row.[1]
- How private, and how is it powered? If noise matters, check it before you buy; some vibrators are much quieter than others.[2] None of our five picks lists a noise level. Cordless and waterproof means shower or bath privacy, and playing music can help mask the sound.[2] The Rose recharges; the Tulip takes 2 AA batteries. Budget: under $25 currently buys the bullet or Tulip.
Before anything goes inside: if you're pregnant, have recently given birth, or have had pelvic or genital surgery, check with a clinician first.[11]
Beginner sex toys compared: our picks by type and price
Here are five of our Beginners' Picks: beginner vibrators, an anal starter kit and a lube. Every spec is as the product page lists it, and "not listed" means the page doesn't say.
| Product | Type | Outside or inside | Material (as listed) | Power | Waterproof | Price (currently) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| THE OG ROSE TOY | Suction toy, ten settings[10] | Outside | Silicone, listed as body-safe | Rechargeable | Yes[10] | $49.99 |
| POCKET EXOTICS PASSION BULLET | Bullet, multi-speed | Outside only[2] | ABS with PU coating, PP controller[12] | Not listed | Not listed | $14.99 |
| FIRST TIME G SPOT TULIP PINK | Angled-tip vibrator[7], multi-speed | Inside or outside | ABS, satin finish, listed as body-safe[7] | 2 AA batteries | Yes | $24.99 |
| ASS-SATION 3 IN 1 ANAL TRAINING KIT | Three graduated butt plugs with anchor bases, and a douche[13] | Anal | Silicone, listed as body-safe[13] | Not listed | Not listed | $79.99 |
| WICKED AQUA 2OZ | Water-based lube, 2 oz | Either | Fragrance free, latex friendly[14] | n/a | n/a | $14.99 |
Suzie's take: For a low-cost first toy, we'd get the Passion Bullet. It's currently $14.99, which is cheap tuition for finding out what vibration you like. Keep it outside, though: its PU coating isn't on the non-porous list below.[12][1] Want rechargeable silicone with ten settings? The Rose is currently $49.99, but suction isn't for everyone and "whisper-quiet" is the maker's word, not a measurement.[10]
Which sex toy materials are body-safe?
Non-porous ones, especially for insertables: 100% silicone (not a blend), hard plastic, stainless steel, aluminum and break-resistant glass, which don't absorb germs.[1] Materials that may be porous, like silicone blends, jelly rubber, PVC, vinyl, TPR, TPE and elastomer, can absorb germs even when washed.[1]
"Body-safe" is a seller's claim, not a standard. Nice words, no referee. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission covers sex toys but hasn't set labeling or material standards for them.[15] And "for novelty use only" labels keep many toys clear of FDA regulation as medical devices.[15][2]
Labels can be wrong, too: in one small exploratory study, a toy advertised as "phthalate-free" contained phthalates.[15] The authors stress their sample isn't representative of sex toys as a whole.[15] Denmark's Environmental Protection Agency reached a more reassuring conclusion about phthalates in sex toys, though it advised limiting use of those toys to 15 minutes per week during pregnancy or breastfeeding.[2]
Our rule: buy where the material is named, and for anything that goes inside, pick from that non-porous list or put a condom on it.[1]
What lube should you use with a sex toy?
Water-based: it's safe with any toy and any condom, while silicone lube can damage silicone toys.[1][2] It dries out faster, so reapply as you go.[2] Keep petroleum jelly, baby oil and mineral oil away from latex condoms; they can dissolve latex.[8]
Prone to irritation? Pick fragrance-free: some lubes can cause contact dermatitis, which can mean itching, burning or pain.[8] WICKED AQUA 2OZ is water-based and fragrance-free, currently $14.99.[14] There's more in our water-based lubes. If irritation doesn't settle, see a clinician.
How do you clean a sex toy?
Wash it with mild soap and water after every use and before it touches anyone else.[1] Evidence on cleaning is thin, but for non-porous toys that may be all you need.[2] Thrilling, we know.
- Read the care directions first. If a toy has a motor or battery, only run water over it if its page says waterproof.[1][2]
- Use unscented soap. Perfumed soaps can irritate the vulva.[8]
- Get into the crevices and clean them thoroughly.[2]
- Air-dry it fully to avoid towel lint, then store it clean and dry.[2]
Can sex toys reinfect you? A porous one can hold germs that lead to infections even after washing, so keep a condom on it.[1] The full routine is in how to clean your sex toys.
Anal sex toys for beginners: what should you look for?
A small toy with a flared base, plus plenty of lube.[1][3]
- Flared base, always. Without one, a toy can slip all the way in and need a doctor to get it out.[1]
- Lots of lube. The anus doesn't lubricate itself.[3]
- Start small. It lowers the chance of pain or tears, and a graduated kit like the Ass-Sation makes sizing up easy.[3][13]
- Never go from anus to vagina without washing the toy or changing the condom; it can lead to vaginitis.[1]
- No numbing creams. Pain is your stop sign, and with the area numb you may not notice an injury.[16]
- Douching is optional. The Ass-Sation comes with a douche, but you don't need to use it, and overdoing it can hurt.[3]
- Go slowly. Stop at discomfort, and get medical advice for any pain or bleeding.[17]
Our guide to anal toy safety basics goes further.
What are good beginner sex toys for couples?
Something small that works on any body, like a bullet or mini wand, picked out together.[2][1] Approximately 40% of women and men have used a vibrator with a partner.[2] Attitude shows up in the research, too: a partner's knowledge and positivity about vibrator use are associated with women's sexual satisfaction.[2]
Consent works the same with a toy as without: a yes to trying it isn't a yes to everything, and anyone can change their mind at any point.[18] Check in when the speed, spot or plan changes.
Adding a cock ring (penis ring)? Wear it 10-30 minutes at most, take it off at any pain, and ask a doctor first if you have a bleeding disorder or take blood thinners.[1] If you share a toy, wash it and put on a new condom before the next person uses it.[1][19]
If bringing it up is the hard part, start with how to bring up toys with a partner.
Quick answers
How do you use a sex toy for the first time?
Start on a low setting, add water-based lube, and work up, since what feels good differs for everyone.[1][9] With a partner, check in as you go.[18] Wash it afterward.[1]
Are sex toys safe to use?
Yes, with a few ground rules. Planned Parenthood says there's nothing harmful about using them safely.[1] The rules: non-porous materials for anything that goes inside, water-based lube, a wash after every use and a flared base on anything anal.[1]
Will a vibrator make me numb?
It can happen: 16.5% of women who had ever used a vibrator reported genital desensitization, mostly mild and short-lived, and a Mayo Clinic-led review considers the long-term kind unlikely in women.[2] In a nationally representative survey of US women aged 18 to 60, most (71.5%) reported never having had genital symptoms linked to vibrator use.[5] If things feel dull, switch up the touch or the speed, and see a clinician if it doesn't pass.[2]
What's a good first sex toy for men or anyone with a penis?
A bullet or mini wand, on the penis, scrotum, testicles, nipples or the outside of the anus.[1] Anything that goes inside the anus needs a flared base.[1] Skip pumps for now: they won't make the penis permanently bigger, and most sex-shop pumps aren't medical devices.[1] If erections are the concern, see a doctor.
Can I use a sex toy if I'm pregnant or just gave birth?
Ask your clinician before using anything insertable if you're pregnant, recently gave birth or had pelvic or genital surgery. After a birth, Cleveland Clinic advises keeping everything out of the vagina, toys included, for a few weeks.[11]
When should I stop and see a doctor?
Stop as soon as anything hurts.[3] See a clinician if pain during sex is frequent or severe, or if anal play leads to pain, bleeding or a stuck toy.[8][17][1] Unusual discharge or odor is worth a visit too.
Where should you start?
We'd start outside, with a bullet or suction toy: the Passion Bullet for the cheapest way in, or our bullet and clitoral vibrators and the rest of the Beginners' Picks for more choice. Add a water-based lube to the same order. It all ships in plain, unbranded packaging, and card statements show the merchant, never the products.[20] Still nervous? The Scoop on Sex Toys clears up the common myths first.
Sources
- Sex Toys, Planned Parenthood
- Genital vibration for sexual function and enhancement: best practice recommendations for choosing and safely using a vibrator (Rullo JE, Lorenz T, Ziegelmann MJ, Meihofer L, Herbenick D, Faubion SS, 2018), Sexual and Relationship Therapy (Taylor & Francis), author manuscript on PubMed Central
- What's anal sex? What are the risks of it?, Planned Parenthood
- Women's Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94 (Herbenick D, Fu TJ, Arter J, Sanders SA, Dodge B, 2018), Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, abstract on PubMed
- Prevalence and characteristics of vibrator use by women in the United States: results from a nationally representative study (Herbenick D, Reece M, Sanders S, Dodge B, Ghassemi A, Fortenberry JD, 2009), The Journal of Sexual Medicine, abstract on PubMed
- Prevalence and characteristics of vibrator use by men in the United States (Reece M, Herbenick D, Sanders SA, Dodge B, Ghassemi A, Fortenberry JD, 2009), The Journal of Sexual Medicine, abstract on PubMed
- FIRST TIME G SPOT TULIP PINK, Sexy Suzie's product page (manufacturer description)
- When Sex Is Painful, American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG)
- Clitoris: Anatomy, Location, Purpose & Conditions, Cleveland Clinic
- THE OG ROSE TOY, Sexy Suzie's product page (manufacturer description)
- Sex After Birth: How Long To Wait and What To Expect, Cleveland Clinic
- POCKET EXOTICS PASSION BULLET, Sexy Suzie's product page (manufacturer description)
- ASS-SATION 3 IN 1 ANAL TRAINING KIT, Sexy Suzie's product page (manufacturer description)
- WICKED AQUA 2OZ, Sexy Suzie's product page (manufacturer description)
- Bringing sex toys out of the dark: exploring unmitigated risks (Sipe JM, Amos JD, Swarthout RF, Turner A, Wiesner MR, Hendren CO, 2023), Microplastics and Nanoplastics (Springer Nature), open-access full text on PubMed Central
- Lidocaine; Hydrocortisone Rectal Cream or Gel, Cleveland Clinic
- Better Sex: Anal Play for men and for women (patient leaflet, PDF), Central and North West London NHS Foundation Trust (sexual health service)
- What Is Sexual Consent? | Facts About Rape & Sexual Assault, Planned Parenthood
- Chlamydia, NHS (UK National Health Service)
- Shipping & Privacy, Sexy Suzie's (store policy page)
